Ted, the little (artificially) furry guy at the center of
“Ted”--a raunchy comedy from Seth MacFarlene, making his directorial debut—is
one vulgar, vulgar teddy bear. I never
thought I would write “vulgar” and “teddy bear” in the same sentence. He drinks,
has sex with hookers and smokes an awful lot of pot. Ted is the result of a childhood wish made by
his owner John. As a child John had no friends and when he was given the bear for
Christmas he wished that it would be alive and remain his friend forever.
It’s funny to think how an innocent childhood wish could
turn into something so rude and obnoxious. MacFarlane (who is known as the
creator of the cartoon satire show “Family Guy,”) voices him with a heavy
Boston-ish accent and boy does he utter the f-word a lot. The character also
got me to thinking just how the wish really works. He drinks, smokes and screws
all the time but how does his cotton filled body sustain that damage? Is he
capable of alcohol poisoning? Can he OD? Can he contract sexually transmitted
diseases? And while we’re on that subject since he doesn’t have a you-know-what
how does that work? Why would women want to have sex with a teddy bear?
Oh, Look at me; I’m questioning the logistics of a living
stuffed animal in a comedy film. “Ted” is simply just a raunchy comedy about a
teddy bear, that’s it. So it’s just magic I guess.
The story takes place long after that Christmas miracle, for
a little while Ted was a celebrity but, like most celebrities over time, is now
old news. John (Mark Wahlberg, showing yet again that he can do comedy fairly
well) is now thirty and works at a car rental place. He still lives with his
teddy bear so he’s a man-child and a loser. Most of the movie involves Ted and
John hanging out, having a beer, and hitting a bong while occasionally having
some crazy or freaky adventure. The running joke throughout the entire film is
the fact that a grown man hangs out with a teddy bear and also the fact that
everyone else has simply accepted Ted as a regular citizen. And I must admit, I
found that funny, mostly because it’s amusing to think about afterwards.
Though somehow he’s landed a girl, Lori (Mila Kunis, who
voices the character of Meg on “Family Guy) who’s smart and successful. They’ve
been with each other for four years. Why? What does she see in him? I guess it’s
that John is sweet and sensitive, but I’m not certain. MacFarlane sort of
glosses over the origin of their relationship. Anyway, Lori wants more from
John and the relationship, in other words: kick the bear out and get his act
together. But that’s not easy; the two have been inseparable for more than
twenty years.
The script by MacFarlane and fellow “Family Guy” writers
Alec Sulken and Wellesley Wild is very uneven. It has a nostalgic appreciation
for pop culture, making numerous references (a major one being Ted and John’s
obsession with Flash Gordon) and at the same time MacFarlane’s own negative
views on politics and entertainment can be seen all over. On the other hand
there are too many weed, sex and bodily fluid jokes. Also certain sequences (like
a party where Mr. Flash Gordon himself, Sam Jones, shows up) go on too long.
Even worse the serious stuff in the plot, involving John and Lori’s
relationship, is handled sloppily and turns into cliché. The movie is at its
very best when it goes for stupid out of nowhere humor, like in one scene that
involves Ted interviewing for a job at a grocery store.
Despite the fact that ‘Ted” is a bit of a let down, I’m
still curious to see where MacFarlene will go next, if he makes another film,
that is. He is a funny guy and “Family Guy” is funny (although not compared to
shows like “South Park”). But as I’ve said, “Ted” is simply just a comedy about
a naughty teddy bear, nothing much else.
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